Humor Les Numéramous - The Readers' Mail

Today, in The Readers' Mail, we give the floor to JC, one of our readers who preferred to remain anonymous. His experience being somewhat traumatic, we wanted to tell you about it. verbatim.

Hello to you Numeramous. I know you are always listening to your loyal readers. Thank you for your great job.

So there you have it, a little problem happened to me with my last one robot vacuum. I took the most powerful on the market with a suction force (depression) of 100 Kpa and a power of 3800 W. Of course, my "Roboto 3000" is geolocated with a 100 mW lidar that can be boosted at 1500 W.

Editor's note: this reader has obviously well remembered the explanations of our file on the best robot vacuums !

So I tested by setting the parameters to the maximum from the start. And that's where the problems started ...

First of all, the aspiration is insane! My sheets of laminate flooring have been peeled off like simple sheets of cigarette paper. I started to think to myself that frankly, he was a little too powerful the thing. So I wanted to get it back, but that's where cat and walked past and…. Oh my God… My poor Rémi… He was swallowed up by this thing… There was a meow, a jerk, a vermilion splash and nothing… Besides, I had not put on the mop equipment…

But it doesn't stop there! I wanted to turn it off before it got my chinchilla Romain. And this is where the Lidar got carried away! It was spinning all over the place faster and faster, the laser beam going up and down and turning bright red. And he started to cut everything out! Like water cutting for stone for example. Well there, it was my walls and my furniture that he was cutting out this con!

My wife arrived and pfiout, cut clean below the knees. She who wanted to lose weight, it's won, she lost a few pounds cheaply. But I was able to go find it and hide it behind the central kitchen island.

I tried to locate him, but with Bibiche yelling in my ears, it was not easy. So I decided to turn it off with your phone, but the Internet was cut. Nothing to do, I thought I was going to die. So I hid behind my wife to think carefully.

It was then that my mother-in-law, Valérie, arrived, completely drunk. She went a bit close to the burning wall and poof! She caught fire! I didn't like her so it's okay, but she messed up the wall with her fingernail marks. She will have really spoiled my life until the end. My stepfather, who was behind, wanted to save his wife but he just managed to burn himself. So I had the idea of ​​calling her and telling her that her daughter needed help: "Louis, Louis, come here! ". Beast to eat hay, he came without thinking to see his darling daughter (who has puffed me up for years with her shitty character, her mood swings and her 50 kg more since the marriage). And there, squeak, cut at the level of the pelvis! I could see that he had nothing in the belly. I took the opportunity to open the French window and run away. Anyway, I did everything I could for them, I didn't look back ...

Well, yes, a little bit anyway, because I saw this robot crap come out and start to suck up the gravel. Once the bin was full, he began to expel them at full speed, like rifle bullets. The neighbor's dog, Alexandre, who swells us to yell every night has taken three in the head. At least we'll be fine now.

The neighbor's door being open, I took the opportunity to enter these old idiots of Victoria and Philippe. Since the time they gave us a fuck " More beautiful life " thoroughly every evening because they are deaf as pots, they will at least be useful for something.

Not missed, the day before began to be sucked in by his disgusting compression stockings and the rest to follow. It was everywhere. The vioc had a heart attack when he saw this. Poor guy, he must have been a little emotional ... 

I nabbed their old blind cat and threw it in front of the robot to slow it down and come out like a bomb. I ran into the residence, swinging all the kids I could get my hands on (that will teach them to scream on their trampoline all day long !!!). Despite this, the Roboto 3000 was gaining ground.

He was coming towards me, I was hiding behind the neighbors' cars. Some have also been cut up by going to get their kids' pieces (you say they knew them well, I saw some who made mixtures of two or three puppies). Family reunification is beautiful! But it's a bit noisy.

In short, I saw myself die… I started to pray to Rael and Buddha when… he stopped! Battery failure. The cow, I was lucky! So I got it back and I was able to reset the basic settings anyway. And for once, he sucks really well now, even if he eats the carpets. But the strong point is that the neighborhood and my life are now much quieter.

Editor's note: the editorial staff of the famous as much as essential site Les Alexiens would like to apologize for these words that we could qualify as "raw". If we have chosen to publish this letter this evening, it is because this tragic experience questions us more than ever about the risks associated with connected objects. A subject that will be the subject, without doubt, of an in-depth investigation on our part over the next ten years.

Did i choose Alexa or did she choose me? Let's say that as a beta tester, it's a bit of both! And I do not regret having met our favorite assistant nor this adventure undertaken with Alexien Modo. Technophile, self-taught and loving popularization, I try to make our common passion easy to access!