Humor Diary of a confined

Confinement, day 6 and first weekend.

It is worth doing a first assessment of this unknown situation at my age, even if I know people who have lived through the two world wars. For them, it's a joke. But we'll see in a few weeks if they're still laughing at their age ...

At the beginning, we made a lot of discoveries. Telecommuting is cool. You turn on the PC and you walk everywhere, you move the mouse regularly so that it does not go to sleep, otherwise your boss sees that you are not working. You respond late to emails to make believe that you are overwhelmed with work ... We quickly get the hang of it.

And then I got to know my kids. They are quite funny and super smart. I sometimes wondered, but they seem to be mine. The girl is quite nice, the boy is quite acerbic, I like it.

I also spoke to my wife. She is not very beautiful but quite cultivated. It will help pass the time, it's not bad. But fortunately, she listened to our president, she puts the economy of France before her health. It would be a shame to lose GDP points for a 125 nm virus. He is right Manu, the French are sissies. If it is necessary to lose 100 for 000 point of GDP, there is no problem. In addition, it will solve the problem of pensions. He is strong, very strong.

But hey, it's long anyway ... So we have to pass the time. So I work a bit for real because the kids are a bit of a pain. You have to make them do the homework too! Shit then! And the teachers, what do they do? Is it up to me to teach them things ?! Already I have trouble remembering their names… We are not going to pity them anyway these teachers, they are still not working… and without going on strike in addition!

And I have cats that piss me off. They keep meowing because they want to eat, and they want to go out, and in, and out and in. Hey, besides, it's been a long time since I honored mom. But if nature has rather spoiled me, 1 m away, it's still a bit far ...

Okay, the funny guys come out of my eyes. They are really boring and limit a little stupid. No doubt, they look like their mother. It's decided, I'm going for a walk. Manu is super nice because in fact, we can do as before, but we just have to make a note.

So I hesitate ... Do I go out to go shopping for basic necessities (I lack beers to forget the little ones, and PQ), for health reasons (I have a little pain in my right wrist since YouPorn is free), to play sports (yeah…) or to work (I can even take business trips to infect everyone if I want to)! Just like before I told you!

I give myself the right to go shopping and, hold on tight, there are plenty of assholes who do like me! Serious ! And is confinement for dogs ?! Frankly, they don't matter what. They're all gonna kill these idiots.

Direction the PQ and there, amazement, there is more! Ah yes, a little old woman has just taken the last one, I rush on it, coughing. She drops everything (really everything given the state of the ground) and I grab the 6 rolls which will join the 96 others in my room. No more hydroalcoholic gel! The bastards !!! But why ? They bought everything when we are not allowed to go out? To disinfect your hands after peeing? I'm going to hang some cologne instead… or some whiskey… I'm going to have the whiskey instead. There is no longer any milk, egg, meat or vegetables… Only moldy vegetarian meals. But how are we going to do it? We only have two full freezers! I think I'll come back this afternoon hoping those selfish monsters leave me something.

Back home… The kids are blowing me up! I understand better that sales of freezers are exploding. I'm going to fit into the sofa in front of the TV coupled with my two Echo Studio (ie 2 x 330 W, thoroughly! Suffice to say that the neighbors will tremble, but not because of their Parkinson's this time ...) put Netflix or Amazon Prime Video.

Plus, you don't even have to move:

  • Alexa, Turn it on light !
  • Alexa, ask Deebot to clean!
  • Alexa, I want to watch Contagion!
  • Alexa, I want to listen to "Apocalypse please" by Muse on my Studio!
  • Alexa, what is the Covid-19?
  • Alexashut up shutters ! I hear growling outside… Fuck the balls these zombie movies…

But I'm bored. This is what I usually do, but now I am forced to do it! So I don't want to! It's human, isn't it?

Did i choose Alexa or did she choose me? Let's say that as a beta tester, it's a bit of both! And I do not regret having met our favorite assistant nor this adventure undertaken with Alexien Modo. Technophile, self-taught and loving popularization, I try to make our common passion easy to access!