Humor Diary of a confined: confinement S7, kilo 11, beer 179

A few more pounds spent with me, with the children and the other big co… .. My wife, sorry. 3st forced vacation week. When you think about it, we all dream of staying on vacation to pull the plug and there, we are right in it. It's funny at first, but over time, we have a little raisins ... And in addition, there are public holidays. It's boring on holidays when you're at home, there's no point! It's like winning a peep show when you're blind… In principle, you're happy, but you don't really benefit from it.

In addition, the funny ones are on vacation and it floats permanently. It's the loose thing to be confined and not being able to enjoy the garden. So, they run everywhere, they scream, they fight… I put bedbugs on the ground, it calmed them down for a while. I also tested sadistic punishments like hiding their charging cables from smartphones and watch them decompose while looking for them everywhere, whining like madeleines when they were at 1%. But these little idiots unplugged my Echo and also took the chargers from my jbl helmet… They wanted to play board games, but I don't like to play if I lose, damn it! They don't understand that or what !? It annoys me and it makes me mean! The last time, the big one lost 2 teeth!

So as much to tell you that on May 11, hop! They're going to go to school, the kids… Finally a hope! But in fact, no… It is not the 11th, it is the 12th, because on May 11th, it is the teachers who return. But what are the teachers doing right now? They are on vacation ? They don't have time to prepare? There, I do not understand… But hey, this is not new, I am not intelligent enough to understand the government and its impenetrable ways.

Everyone knows that coronavirus are viruses that can infect humans, most often causing mild cold-like symptoms, and that it is already the 3rd fatal epidemic of the 21st century due to this family of viruses. On the other hand, I still have not understood whether children are active vectors of COVID-2 by being healthy carriers or not?

The government told us " Yes " to close the schools and make us stay at home, then now he's telling us " no " to get us back to work. However, no more than ten children per class, no redheads because they stink, no toys, at playtime in turn, they will eat in the class dishes made by parents and remained all day at room temperature (very good for transit). And the others, what do they do? Are they waiting outside? They stay at home doing nothing because the teachers can hardly be in two places at the same time? Or is it a way of telling us to work by asking us not to work?

In addition, it seems that sick children infect almost no one! From there to endorse the puns found on the internet saying that a vaccine based on extracts from children will be developed ... At the same time, I find that in proportion, there are few sick priests ...

The days are longuuuuuuues… We think and listen to the news. That we do not really understand. Well, yes, I realized that the government was a big, mustached macho! Why ? Well it's very clear. Imagine the following scene:

Our mustached testosterone sees another guy pass by with a superb Rolex.
- But what an asshole, there is no point in luxury watches. The time is the same whatever the watch, big redneck!
Then, our dear macho, after tough negotiations with his bank, offers one. In front of a young boy who looks at him with a dumbfounded air, he says to him:
- What ?! Don't you have a Rolex at your age? But you missed your life, boy! There is no point in buying yourself a Casio, the time is less right. It would even be dangerous to wear it!

Well, change the word “Rolex” to “masque” and “petit jeune” to “French”, and you will understand. There you go… We are ruled by people who change their minds based on what they have, it sounds like, right? Plus, what's fun with masks " home made ", is that after they said it was crap, now they want to sell us some.

But to be serious, they certify them with a benchmark surely invented by a drunken night. They are certified for a number of machine washes! Isn't that cool? The more you can wash it, the more expensive it is. Okay, we don't know what they filter, no class announced of course, or nothing… but we can wash them. And if we don't put them on, we'll have a plum!

It's funny when you know that not so long ago, it was bad to shit ... Besides, what is also quite funny is that the supermarkets will sell several hundred million masks from Monday (real eh, surgical masks!) While pharmacies and doctors do not have any. But where were they? The first one who says "In your ass" lost, because I would have realized it. It's still weird that… the last one who did something like that was with bread.

There, I try to decipher the division of France into green and red departments, then into oranges. In fact, those in orange can turn green or red. But beware, those in green can turn orange if things go wrong. And those in red can turn orange if you are wise. So in fact, it's simple, because if a green turns orange, it can then be green or red. But the reverse is also true. Easy no?

And next weekend, we'll finally find out where we stand! Free France? France Coronée? But in principle, what does that change? Well, in fact, it's the color that changes. And that changes everything ! Because in green areas, you can go out within a radius of 100 km, go to work, go shopping in a herd in a crowded supermarket, go to parks, take crowded transport (but with a mask eh, do not laugh with it) that)… On the other hand, it is forbidden to go to see one's family more than 100 km away (even if one works at 150 km), no beach (more dangerous than supermarkets it goes without saying)… In short, life, true.

And in the red zones? Well the same, but in red. Oh no, sorry, not the right to parks, but only to large areas teeming with people. Well yes, if we are in a lousy department, we might as well put them all together, red people live like that. Yuck! And in addition, you can go from a red zone to a green one without restriction. And the reverse too. Why is that then? the answer is simple: why not?

But I still feel the hustle and bustle. I suspect, even, I guess that there is a wolf… Edouard told us that if we were not good, and well on May 11, pfut, under the nose! No deconfinement. And even worse, if during confinement, there are still little bastards who get sick, and well hop, we all go home at the end of May! It's funny, I talk to my kids like that ...

No ? They don't dare anyway? Do they take us for brats? But when I do that to my kids, it's a bit of an ass to fall on them! So, OK, personal message to all my neighbors who respect nothing: if because of you we are not deconfined on May 11, it will shit! So you, young pimply on a bike, if that happens, I'll fuck your ass on the ground and use your ass as a parking lot for my bike. And you, the old man who goes looking for tools three times a day, I'll screw your toolbox in the onion. I don't want to come to this, but in the meantime, the first that moves, I explode it!

Did i choose Alexa or did she choose me? Let's say that as a beta tester, it's a bit of both! And I do not regret having met our favorite assistant nor this adventure undertaken with Alexien Modo. Technophile, self-taught and loving popularization, I try to make our common passion easy to access!